Attack of the Mary Sues
by orene treke
Summary: Just a short bit of fun inspired by the writings of kosmos607, for those who have had enough of that annoying breed of fan fiction character. Hope you enjoy. Remember it's fun Mary Sue lovers.


**THE ATTACK OF THE MARY SUES**

A/N Just a short bit of fun inspired by the writings of the self proclaimed queen of fandom kos-mos607. If you're a fan of Mary Sues you probably won't like this and you will be lighting your flame throwers. Like I say it's a bit of fun and I think we could all do with some of that! Hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer. I own none of the characters here. They are the property of those who created them.

FRIDAY AFTERNOON AT SPENCER ACADEMY.

Reid Garwin and Tyler Simms were ambling back to their dorm after classes had finished for the week.

They had said goodbye to Caleb Danvers and Pogue Parry a couple of minutes earlier, agreeing to meet them later at Nicky's for burgers and some foosball or maybe a game of pool. Caleb and Pogue had headed off to the car park where Caleb's Mustang and Pogue's Ducati were parked.

The two younger boys were chatting animatedly about the week and plans for the weekend. They were about to start climbing the steps to their dorm when there was a throaty roar and howl of tires from around the end of the building. To the boys astonishment Caleb's Mustang and Pogue's motor bike roared into sight, mounted the curb, skidded across the lawn and slid to a stop in front of them.

Caleb's panicked face appeared above the wind shield as he screamed at the boys.

"GET IN!! GET IN!!! IT'S THEM. IT'S THE MARY SUES!!!"

Even as the boys leaped for the car a seething mass of teenage girls surged around the corner of the building where Caleb and Pogue had come from. Their were a horrifying sight! Predominately blond. All looked like cheer leaders with perfect hair and delicate pink nail polish and delicate pink lipstick.

Many seemed to have a disturbing resemblance to one or the other of the boys. Particularly Reid! They brandished pieces of paper, claiming they were birth certificates and DNA tests.

Funny how many of them looked like they had been written with either delicate pink nail polish or delicate pink lipstick.

They caught sight of the four Son's of Ipswich and bloodcurdling howl went up.

"HE'S MINE!"

"NO HE'S MINE!"

"I'M SUPPOSED TO HAVE THE BABY BOY!" screamed one with a disturbing resemblance to Reid.

"NO! I AM" screamed another with a disturbing resemblance to Tyler himself. This brought a rather ill look to Tyler's already horrified face.

"CALEB! I'M MUCH MORE EVIL THAN CHASE! FALL IN LOVE WITH ME!"

"POGUE! WAIT FOR ME!" screamed another who eye's were black with power, until one of the colored contacts fell out and she was trampled under foot.

At that moment another mass of Mary Sues appeared from around the opposite end of the building and added their own banshee screams to the spine chilling cacophony.

Reid had made it into Caleb's car before he realized that Tyler was standing rooted to the spot. His eyes like saucers. He was paralyzed with fear! Reid saw with horror that his look alike Mary sue was reaching out for his young friend.

"BABY BOY!" He screamed as he leapt out of the car, grabbed Tyler and threw him bodily into the Mustang.

"GET US OUT OF HERE!" he screamed at Caleb then turned to the terrified boy beside him.

"That's it! I'm only ever leaving my shoes under your bed from now on Baby Boy!" he said as he drew the youngest covenant member into a deep crushing kiss.

Seeing this the mob of Mary Sues sent up another blood curdling scream.

Caleb screamed to Pogue and jammed his trusty Mustang into gear, swearing he was trading it for a Hummer like Tyler's or at least something less alluring to females!

With a screech and a roar the silver Mustang and the bright yellow Ducati shot out from the clutches of the howling crowd, skidded back across the lawn and roared out of the school gates.

With ominous purpose the howling and chanting mob of Mary Sues surged after them.

The crowd disappeared revealing a very pissed off looking Chase standing with his fists planted firmly on his hips. His pretty mouth curling into an angry sneer.

"Bitches!" he snarled before stomping off to find some unheard of covenant to terrorize

In the speeding Mustang, three terrified pairs of eyes stared at each other while Pogue sped alongside on his motor bike. He was keeping as close as he dared while constantly looking back over his shoulder

to see if they were being followed.

"HEAD FOR THE COLONY HOUSE!" Caleb screamed to Pogue over the din over the car and bike.

Pogue nodded his understanding and accelerated away.

Just at that point Tyler screamed and pointed towards the woods they were speeding through.

To the boys horror there were even more Mary Sues converging on them through the trees from all sides.

Caleb floored it, chasing after the tail of the bright yellow motor bike that was racing away in front of them.

They arrived at the colony house. No bothering to park at the gate, they crashed straight through, screeching to a halt at the front.

The four boys crashed through the front door and barricaded it with anything they could find before storming upstairs to the top floor.

"What the hell are you young whipper snappers doing!" snapped Gorman as they crashed into his room.

"Look for yourself!" yelled Caleb pointing out the window.

"Oh my God!" moaned Gorman when he saw the heaving mass that was now converging on the house from all sides.

There was fighting breaking out in the mob now as Mary Sues fought for space near the house There were screams and abuse. Blond extensions and fake boobs were flying through the air.

Gunshots were heard then with a roar several tanks and armored personell carriers crashed through the woods, screaming Mary Sues clinging to their sides.

Caleb's Mustang and Pogue's bike had been over turned and set on fire. Now the house began to shake as the crazed Mary Sues began to batter and tear at the walls.

"Oh my God! What are we going to do!" sobbed Tyler from the floor.

There was an almighty crash from downstairs.

"THEY'RE BREAKING THROUGH DOWNSTAIRS!". Screamed Caleb.

"STOP FUCKING SCREAMING AT ME!" screamed Reid while Tyler sobbed hysterically on the floor.

"THROW THEM GORMAN AND WILLIAM!" yelled Pogue.

The boys threw the two startled old men out the window. Two seconds later they came smashing back in again, crashing to the floor. Their petrified faces and bodies had been hideously slashed and mutilated with delicate pink nail polish and lip stick. Cheer leaders pom poms had been stuffed in their mouths and down their trousers.

"Oh my God. It's a warning!" gasped Pogue.

They could now hear the chilling sound of stiletto heals on the stairs.

"Quick. On the roof!" hissed Caleb.

The older three boys scooped up the still hysterically sobbing Tyler and scrambled through a dormer window and onto the roof of the old house. They scrambled up and sat astride the ridging.

At that moment one of the Mary Sues with a tank let fly with a shell which demolished one end of the house.

Furious Mary Sues all around rounded on her in fury, over turned her tank and set it on fire.

"What are we going to do?"

They four boys looked at each other helplessly as they heard crashing and screaming coming from the room they had just vacated.

There was a roaring and rushing of wind from above them.

"DO YOU NEED SOME HELP?" a voice called from above them.

Hovering above them was a huge yellow airship. There was a sparkling blue dragon flying around it being ridden by a handsome blond boy. Close behind him was a red dragon being ridden by a dark haired young man.

Rope ladders thudded down on the roof next to the Sons of Ipswich. They each grabbed hold of one and started scrambling up.

Just as they got onto the ladders, enraged Mary Sues appeared on the roof. When they saw the boys escaping there was a bloodcurdling howl.

There was a panicked shout from above and the airship surged up and away from the house with the covenant boys swinging wildly beneath.

Caleb looked down in time to see the old colony house collapse under a heaving mass of Mary Sues, before climbing the rest of the way up.

When the boys climbed into the airship cabin, they were greeted by a tall handsome blond young man with pointed ears.

"Hello I'm Legolas from "Lord of the Rings". This is Sam and Dean from "Supernatural"." he said pointing to two other young men beside him. "The two guys out there on the dragons are Eragon and Murtagh"

The Sons of Ipswich looked around and realized the airship was full of characters from movies books and tv shows. All male.

"We are all male characters from fan fiction universes." explained Legolas. "We're on the run from all the Mary Sues of fan fiction and thought you boys might need some help, Welcome aboard boys!"

Our four heroes laughed in relief as the big airship flew off into the sunset, followed by the blue and red dragons.


End file.
